An Attempt at a Response to Zona's Good Question

This was getting too long to be read in the comments section!! So, I'm posting it in a new post.

Well, Zona, you ask a very good question (see comments on "Dwelling ...")!! Here's a feeble attempt at an answer ...

"Skin on" means that I've had knots all over my shoulders for the past few days as we try to process a time line for the visas, think through where I will be while I wait the probable three+ months for my visa so that I can join Jim, solve shipping issues so our treasures don't get confiscated by immigrations, etc. Moving anywhere is never easy. We are beginning to learn that moving into Saudi is reallllllllly never easy!

There are two major issues to face with each move --
leaving
arriving

Each carry their own bag of stuff!

LEAVING:
This leaving is easier 'cuz we never really clicked with many people here. But my students are frantically trying to learn everything they can about English before I go so they are very emotional! That makes leaving a little bit tough!!!

Leaving Nigeria was fairly easy because most of our friends left before we did. Yet ... knowing that we would never be back and we were leaving behind, forever, some dear Nigerians ... that was and still is tough! (Jide/our dear driver, Michelle/our cook, and Lucy/our maid in Port Harcourt still like to stay in touch via phone calls and each one calls me "Mom" -- tough on the heart!)

Each departure involves great loss, even if it's just loss of routine and a loss of the "known".

ARRIVING:
It takes about 3 months in a new place to begin to feel any sense of belonging. Here's an example of the thought processes surrounding one simple question -- Where can I find a good steak? That question begins a litany of other questions and thoughts --- Is there any good steak in this whole country? What price has to be paid for a good steak? If it's frozen beef, has it always been frozen? What country has it come from? What's a recommended local alternative? Will I ever have a good steak, again, ... in my whole life? I remember a great steak I had in Anchorage. I miss that restaurant. What was the name of that restaurant? I wonder if it's still open. And the great desserts, there. Yum. I really liked that restaurant. I want to go home!!!

And that's just one topic. Add to that -- flour, granulated sugar (which has great variations from one place to the next!), baking soda, shampoo, toilet paper, fresh apples, ... It takes quite some time and effort to learn IF the item is available, WHERE it can be found, IF it looks at all like what you remember from home, and HOW MUCH has to be paid to get it!

Arriving to a new culture, new social norms, new jobs, new people, new routines, ... whoosh! That consumes a lot of energy.

THE WHOLE PACKAGE:
And in the big picture, it's especially tough. As you well know, Zona, I'm a people-person. And I'm highly verbal. Since leaving Denver, my best friend has pretty much been my only friend who's a follower of Jesus. That's Jim and that puts incredible pressure on him! He's not a people person (though he does love people!) and he's not highly verbal. So he does just fine with just me as a friend as long as he has casual conversations with co-workers. But not so for me ...

Add to that reality, the reality that no matter how much we try, we can never maintain the high level of friendships/kindred spirit-ships via distance as we can in person. So, slowly but surely, I have felt each friendship melt away. That's a slow grieving process which I'm still smack in the middle of! That makes connecting with "old" friends like you, Zona, incredibly valuable to me!!!!

Yes, some of it has to do with personal wiring. I could be described as "high resilient" -- a term I learned when working for Jim's company in Nigeria as I helped many who were "low resilient" and shouldn't have been there!! And I am a "high adapter" (is it "er" or "or"???) -- I accept and adapt to change rather easily. But, even high adapters value deep and lasting friendships and they cherish their favorite things/places/routines!! And I'm an optimist. That helps! (Though in Nigeria I became a optimistic skeptic or a cynical optimistic or some such thing because pure optimists didn't survive!)

So, practically speaking, what do I try to do to cope?

1. I try to keep an eternal perspective, as I mentioned in the previous blog. Lots of prayer required, there ...

2. I try to maintain valuable connections as best I can. For all of the dissing some people do of Facebook, FB is a precious link for me. I can't imagine how people lived through the loss of connections when phone calls were impossible or possible but incredibly expensive! With email replacing snail mail and Skype replacing long distance phone calls and Facebook reconnecting long-lost friends, ... I am actually blessed!

3. I try to enjoy-without-attaching-to every little thing I have -- my tea cups, my yarn for projects, ... everything! I take time to find joy in my growing tomato plants, knowing full well that I will most likely be gone before they bear fruit. I drink out of various tea cups throughout the day but don't have a permanent favorite.

4. I find ways to cope with the loss of things. With every move, we've had items lost and broken. So now I have a large zip-lock bag with broken pieces of a variety of china items that have broken. Soon, I will have enough to make a mosaic-topped patio table. Therefore, when I unpack my boxes next time, I will be wondering which of my beloved tea cups or dishes will be added to my zip-lock bag. In a way, I'd like some to break so that I can actually DO the mosaic project! (But, only in a way!!!)

5. I focus forward rather than backward for each up-coming move. I start checking out the weather reports each day for the new location, I read every blog I can find and every news article and travel site, etc.

6. While doing #5, I think of things I can do in the new place that I can't do where I am at that moment. Like Al Khobar. I'm hoping to find some instrumental group in which I can play my cello. I've found some hopeful-looking clues online! And I've found a harp player/teacher in Doha -- which is another country, yes, but it's not too far and it's very accessible. I've checked out the prices on small, lever harps. So I'm (begging Jim :-0) and thinking that maybe I can finally fulfill my dream of playing the harp!

7. I cherish the past, embrace the present, and plan for the future.

And I blog ... that's often therapeutic ... this certainly was!
Thanks for asking, Zona! It's helped me to process this whole thing.
I look forward to your (and others'!) responses!