You would think that in a land that is bursting at the seams with rules, there would be no nuances and no need to analyze the meanings of our actions. But it's not that easy. I have found myself reading online discussions and participating in face-to-face discussions with many women (and some men) about abayas and I fear that this topic will ALWAYS be the topic of choice for struggling expats. I would like to be able to make a decision about where I fit into it all and just move on. But it's not that easy.
I often wear black. It's a good color for me. As I have put on some extra pounds (which I'm now tackling full force with an aerobics class!) I have regularly chosen black items out of my closet of options. But now, after just one month in black-tent-land, I really am beginning to loathe the color.
We're going to Bahrain for the weekend and I've already decided that I'm going to look for some white or light or bright tops! (I'll tell you all about Bahrain, I'm sure -- no abayas required, no dress codes at all! You can try on clothes in the clothing store -- such a novel concept! Men and women can mix and actually speak to one another! And there can be public music -- we're going to attend a vocal concert at the museum! But I'm straying far from my topic so I'll now return ...)
Why is the color black so frustrating, now? It seems to symbolize so much that I'm against -- oppression of women, isolation of women, overt control of women, the smothering of all individuality, ... Add to that the impracticality of the abaya -- the restriction of women's movements, the limiting of women's activities (playing tennis, riding a dune buggy, riding a bike, even going for a walk is impossible in such gear!) Throw on the head covering and face covering and, yikes, women become a sea of anonymity. Which is the intent. Which makes me angry -- for myself, for the women who know nothing else, for the women who love it, for the women who hate it, ...
So, I can't decide what to do about it. As I've mentioned before, some expat women wear the head covering and others don't. But I've noticed that my blonde hair is really quite unusual and it causes the men (and women) to stare. And lear. And gawk. In Nigeria and in Indonesia, I was used to being stared at but this staring is different. From some of the men it's just disgusting and filthy. From others, it's unnerving because I'm disturbing them and that's not my intention.
I just want to say "I respect you but I don't agree with you." But respect is earned and not mandated. And wearing the abaya seems to say that I've already caved in.
So ... I'm considering wearing a non-black headscarf. I have plenty -- white, black and white, blue, ... I always see a few women with non-black scarves in the malls. One new friend told me that the Egyptian women do that here. But it's no secret that most of the locals hate people from that country. So I certainly don't want to create a new problem!
Jim suggested that we do a test in the big mall -- I walk around in my current manner (scarf-less) with Jim following behind and watching the reaction; then I put on my black and white scarf and he follows; then I put on my black hijab and he follows.
I want to go unnoticed. But I want to be an individual. I don't want to be defiant. But I want to make a statement. Respect and courtesy without agreement. It would be nice if it went both ways.
We need some concrete data.
We're looking for the elusive black and white, cut and dried answer ...
3 comments:
Very interesting dilema, I feel for you and the struggle this obviously is causing. I'm wondering if there is a restriction on the type of fabric used for the body coverings? Must it be heavy? or just black? Is there a light weight black fabric that could be substituted and thereby make it less hot and confining?
Some things that come to mind when I'm reading your blog about this are the verses like "whenever possible, be at peace with all men" and the parts in Corinthians that talk about eating meat that was offered to idols. We may know God doesn't care about it but it would be wrong to encourage someone to do something they would feel guilt over if they did it. (I don't really know if that applies to this or not. It doesn't sound like you're encouraging anyone else to dress differently, but only struggling with how you should dress while you're there.)
The way you described the reactions of the men around you to your blonde hair makes me think of the social discussions in the news here lately, brought on by a female sports reporter that dresses very provacatively and goes into men's locker rooms for interviews and is now filing a complaint about how she was treated by the men in the locker room. The news stories about it have started many discussions about where is that line? did she invite the behavior by her stlye of dress? even though that behavior by the men is not acceptable, does she share any of the blame for it? All of that type of thing is what I imagine those people over there are thinking too when a woman chooses to show her blonde hair to them - just a much different positioning of that "line" over there than over here. I'm wondering how I would feel if a woman from a village in the Amazon jungle came to America and walked around our mall clothed only from the waist down, like she was used to doing back home?
I'm sorry, I know this sounds like I'm trying to tell you to cover your head, but I'm really not - really! I'm just rambling on and putting down the thoughts that are going through my head, without coming to any conclusions about what I would do in your situation. I really don't know what I would do and I don't know how I would feel about it if I had to live it rather than just read about it. I'll be interested to hear what you finally decide to do! Very thought provoking stuff!
I follow your train of thinking, Linda. It seems you're about where I am ... confused!
I'll keep you posted.
Right now, we're in Paris for a 6-day trip 'cuz Jim has meetings and I ... well, I have fun! :-)
I would say I'm jealous of your life, but it would only be true of the Paris and traveling parts, not the living in a middle eastern culture part!
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