"Amazingly, the One who demands the most surrender of my will is the One who wants and makes my will to be its strongest and best." John Ortberg
This little article by John Ortberg from Leadership Weekly Newsletter (an online subscription is available from the many options with Christianity Today) really grabbed my attention because I'd been mulling over character traits such as weakness, strength, stubbornness, humility, acceptance, etc. and how they relate to my struggles to adjust to this new place.
I think living, in general, in a developing-but-limited location would be much easier to handle if I was a bit (an understatement) more compliant and a bit less demanding in my expectations and desires. Yet, survivors/adapters in cross cultural living are usually highly resilient and strong. You can see the dilemma this mulling was creating in my thinking!
And then along came this article "The Strong Willed Leader" -- God's timing is perfect!
Now I can see that I was equating a surrendered will with a weak will. The life of a follower of Jesus is so filled with irony and paradox. The 2 Corinthians 12:10 stuff.
I have had blocks of time (moments or hours) in which I have struggled in my adjustments to this new place. Nigeria held similar struggles -- though the culture was VERY different there than it is, here! Even though the two locations are about as opposite as you could find, the fact remains that neither of them is "home". They are not part of my mind and heart's image of comfortable or familiar or "the way it should be". Neither place is "westernized" -- a condition which carries it's own mix of positives and negatives!
But Ortberg (another who has a Swedish heritage and, therefore, some level of stubbornness!) says, "At its heart, an indomitable will involves a sense of commitment; a binding of oneself to a task or a cause or a value so intensely that mere external forces are not allowed to sway or deter. At its best, in the words of Gerald May, it involves not willfulness but willingness—a giving of my will in the service of a greater mission."
And that's it! When I stubbornly and willfully demand (of God, or the air, or my husband, or the nearest whatever ...) that my life, here, meet an expectation or an image that I cherish in my heart or head -- I am guaranteed to be disappointed. When I indomitably and willingly commit to the reality in which God has placed me -- I am satisfied and sometimes, even, delighted. Oddly enough, the external forces only sway or deter the stubborn, those whose strength is great but not great enough to handle the slightest wave of the sea (James chapter 1 stuff) and not great enough to stay above the circumstances (Philippians chapter 4 stuff). To be missional is to be live apart from the circumstances.
Mmmmmm ... obviously I'm still mulling this over. I don't know if I'm communicating this with any clarity at all...
Your thoughts?
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3 comments:
Well, Sharon, I have been thinking about this for a couple of days now. I live in Oregon, not Nigeria or Indonesia, but in my own way I am also required to surrender my will to God daily. His plan, not mine.
My difficult place to serve is within the Body of Christ, where God made me to serve as a leader, and I am unwelcome in that role to the male leaders of the church except one. I think you called it a "developing but limited location"!
(Sidenote - have you read Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge? Pertinent.)
I have learned that my important decision of every morning is to submit to God for the day, you see, to His plan for the day. I can't look for my leadership to people, because they would likely tell me (to some extent) that I may not do as God asks of me, and I actually choose to do as He asks, perhaps without their notice! I call it flying under the radar!
If I were acting in this manner while angry or bitter towards those who don't get me, I would be out of God's will. But I love them! I get why they don't get me! And I pray for them, or for me, that one of our eyes will be opened to God's truth - He made the lame walk and the dumb talk, and He opened blinded eyes to see, after all! He asks us to be unified within His Body, as far as we are able, so I just keep being faithful to Him and supporting them, and I think the Lord is just blessed by that!
I can't think of anyone who would call mine a weak will,(!) but I like to think, as I have surrendered every day to Him and every endeavor to Him, that a sweetness is developing in me that is certainly not one of my natural characteristics.
It is becoming clear that this journey I am on is not about what I can accomplish for God. It is partially about what He can accomplish in me. And it is partially about eternity and the difference I am making in people's lives as I obey Him. But it is a whole lot about how well I get to know Him. That, I think, is what He is after, after all.
And submitting to His will carries a long, long ways towards getting to know Him.
A quote from Beth Moore's recent simulcast on "Coming Home to the Heart of our Desires":
"God will go out of His way to protect my humility because humility will set me up for intimacy like nothing else."
(I took NOTES and typed them up if you are interested, I can email them to you.)
This is a long ramble. It is what my heart says in response to your post. I would like to hear your future thoughts as they develop! And you have my empathy!
Zona,
'great thoughts. Yes, serving within a local body of Christ followers can be difficult! Add to that the issues of women in leadership and ... It definitely becomes a learning opportunity.
I love what you quoted from Beth Moore about God being committed to "protect our humility!" (And if you could shoot me an email with your notes, that'd be superb!)
When we are in difficult situations, the human survival response that looks like strength is a tightening of the fists that's accompanied by "I WILL make it!" But that just gets exhausting because we can't MAKE anything happen that is out of our control --- cultural challenges in Indonesia or in church or ... And almost everything IS out of our control!
So, the real response that comes from a position of strength is the one that involves surrender to God's purposes. We loosen our fists, open our palms, shake off everything we're holding onto, and lift our hands in surrender. I think I need to go through those steps each morning for awhile -- until I'm back in the habit of surrendering BEFORE the daily problems arise.
Okay ... off to the pool for Aqua Gym. But while I'm walking there, I will prepare myself for the reality that the teacher might not show up, even though it's scheduled! It's one of the many things that are out of my control!
I like the idea of "not willfulness but willingness—a giving of my will in the service of a greater mission." In a difficult situation that feels (and is) out of control this requires trust. Perhaps the surrender of will equals trust. Then we can become more relaxed and less easily swayed. (I am speaking somewhat theoretically, yet hopefully, as I am still struggling with some difficult situations!)
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