This Place Can Make You Crazy!

It's been awhile since I've written anything about Nigeria -- for good reason. It seems to be healthier to live in denial and not analyze the wackiness of our existence here! However, there are times when one cannot continue lying to oneself and then ...
I must admit that I find myself thinking "I am soooooo frustrated with Nigeria!" more frequently and with greater vehemence than ever before.

Most of our emotional energy goes into coping. Jim stays tremendously busy with work and, therefore, has little time to notice that we're locked into the camp, have lousy food options, most of our friends have left, ... Most of his work is alone, in his office, just fighting a computer and not having to deal with all of the crazy people! However, because my job is with personnel ... well, it would require people contact. And that is why, if one of us ends up insane -- it's sure to be me!

The last of the wives have taken off for safer locations. The only folks remaining in our location are "business essential" expats and all of the locals. So, no non-working expat is here. That means that out of the 150ish expats here, now, with the company, only 4 are women. Mighty strange for all of us.

I don't miss all the wives sitting around complaining all of the time. But I do miss the fact that at least I could meet SOMEONE at the pool for a cup of tea or something!

However, the good news is that my job stress has diminished by about 80% and the work load by about 40% ... 'can't complain 'bout that!

How do I begin to explain our lives and the amount of energy it takes to just laugh through the day? It's like being stoned by marbles. You pick up one of those little guys and think "now, why did that wipe me out?" It's the little things that get us in the end -- because there are so many of them:
-- the furniture delivery guys who brought (to a house I had requested needed refurbishing 6 months ago) a six-seater table but without any chairs. It'll be another 6 months before those guys can sit to eat, probably!
-- my maid who forgot to ask the veggie gal to bring me fresh basil and now she can't find any anywhere in town, supposedly, when I've got a house full of company for dinner tomorrow
-- but, the menu's already been altered 4 times due to lack of ingredients, so what's one more change!
-- the simple question of "who authorized this request?" that can't seem to get answered no matter how many ways I ask it so I can't complete the report
-- having sun glasses disappear from poolside less than one hour after leaving the area and the only people who could have seen them are "friendly" workers
-- the air conditioner technician who cheerfully suggests that I buy air freshner because I don't like the moldy smell coming out of the AC that he just "cleaned"
-- soup everyday for lunch at the Clubhouse and it looks different in color each day but it always just tastes like ... salt! minestrone soup, cream of mushroom, carrot soup -- all taste like ... salt!
-- the maid who's been cleaning a house for her master for two weeks ... without any cleaning products -- just a mop! And she finally asked me what she should do to get some things for cleaning!
-- the maid who accused a security guard of wanting to date her and therefore asking her to do his laundry and she tried to get her madame to ask me to fire the guy when, actually, after careful investigation, she's just mad at him because he told her to wear her ID badge all day everyday and she thinks she's too special to do that!
-- the guest house receptionist who can never be found when there is someone to receive -- I'm learning to always check the Clubhouse first because she's usually cooking food for herself there!
-- the names on the flight manifest who are supposed to arrive into town never are the names of the ones who weren't on the list but somehow got on the flight
-- my important tax papers for my job that got delivered to a nice lady named Beatrice who's Nigerian, works for a division I didn't even know existed, in an office area I'd never been but somehow the one making the delivery thought "Sharon Kohring, OFS" meant "Beatrice Oramisumuu, WTS" and Beatrice was pro-active and honest (two rare qualities around here) and emailed me that she had a letter for me! I gained a new friend, at least!
-- the vendor on the street who was going to sell my driver two volleyballs for N7,500 each and then she heard my voice on my driver's speaker phone and, realizing I was an Oyibo (white skinned), immediately demanded N14,000 each. (Prince, the driver, is so sharp that he refused to buy anything from her because of her lack of integrity -- a concept I've been trying to teach him; he drove around for another 3 hours to find another source of volleyballs; he told the second vendor that he had found someone who would sell them for N7,500 each; the second vendor agreed to the price; then Prince stomped back into the "shop" of the first vendor, waved the 2 volleyballs in her face, showed her the receipt, and told her she was the loser!
-- I could go on and on -- that's just highlights from the past 24 hours (other than the volleyball story that happened 5 days ago!)

We've got painters that made a big "oops" months ago and painted a sign on the road that said "SPOT" They painted the whole area white, making a box that was white, and next to it they painted a new sign that said "STOP" But, wouldn't you know, the STOP needed repainting due to the sun and the rain ... so ... you betcha ... they repainted the white box that was hiding where they'd painted the SPOT sign!!

You should have seen Lucy (our maid) supervising the painters who did some work in our house just recently. She's learning a lot! She used an old curtain for a drop cloth and moved it wherever they were working (a new concept for them!), she'd tell them to stop whenever they spilled and she'd wipe it up, explaining that it's easier to clean if it's still damp. (Of course, they hadn't ever thought they should or would clean it up.) She pointed out entire areas on the wall that they'd missed -- around each light fixture, above the AC, etc. I told her that she now qualified as a painting supervisor -- she has more skills than all of them together, that's for sure!

You know the old "how many _________ does it take to change a light bulb" jokes? Well, I think of that whenever we have to make requests -- light bulb changing usually takes at least one week, two written requests, and then three visits from the "electrician." Visit #1 is to confirm that we do, indeed, need a new light bulb. Visit #2 is to bring the light bulb. Visit #3 is to bring one or two other workers and a ladder. Then, I just have to go back to their office later to tell them we had listed 3 bulbs that needed changing and we only got 2 changed. Sometimes, I just don't have the energy and we use candles!

Ahhhhh ... the sun just broke through the clouds and is streaming in my patio window. It should be the rainy season by now but the rains have been just enough to green things up without flooding us out!

So, I'm feeling better after this venting!
We spend a lot of time just learning how to laugh! I can't remember what sent me over the edge last week but Jim was entertained as I laughed so hysterically that my tummy ached. Laughter is the best medicine.

Everyone says that I arrived here as the ultimate optimist and they're amazed that I still am at all an optimist. I tell them that I'm now an optimistic cynic -- I'm very upbeat about my negativity!