My head has been spinning since we returned to NGA. Re-entry is always such an adjustment. It seems that most of us who are ex pats have two very difficult times in this place -- right before we are due to leave on a vacation and right after we return. If those are our toughest times, it would follow that we should just drop all vacations and stay here indefinitely ...
NOT! The joy of being away overshadows the struggles connected with leaving. But, the struggles are great nonetheless.
So, I "hit the wall" last week and really had to bring my desperation to the Lord again and again. It's the same stuff that bothers me with renewed volume, vengeance, vigor -- the filth, the lies, the corruption, the lies, the chaos, the lies, the noise, the lies, the laziness, the lies, the poverty, the lies, ... you get my point.
Almost everyone I deal with in my job is from this country. And there are some bright lights admidst the masses. But they are rare and they're probably not even that bright -- it's just that the contrast is so extreme that the light is obvious. I don't want to develop an edge, become totally cynical, become hateful and demeaning, or become cold. Certainly none of those options are very Christlike. I pray against those tendencies constantly. And God is so good to give me renewed love for each individual. Taken one at a time rather than as a society, each one can be seen as someone precious to Jesus. That helps me cope. But coping is not enough. I want to know that all of my efforts count for something eternal, something of Kingdom significance. But it is difficult to make a dent in this culture. We are just one strong and persuasive leader away from the same chaos that is facing Kenya, Chad, ...
So, I'm doing a word study on "perseverance" in the Bible. I've asked my daughter, Jeri, to join me in it because she is dealing with some cultural struggles, herself, in Thailand. Though Thailand is decades ahead of Nigeria in development and miles apart from Nigeria in basic civility, there are similarities. Many. And Jeri and I each have realized that sometimes we just long for the familiarity of home. We have not been back to the U.S. since August 2006. It's becoming such a distant memory.
Even just staying awake most of the night to watch the Superbowl LIVE was a huge help -- we felt, for a few hours at least, that we were closer to home.
So, I'm now in the "settling in" stage, once again, in this crazy place that we sometimes call "The Land of Barely There." That label is borrowed from a children's book series our kids once had.
But my struggle is not homesickness as much as a sense of pointlessness. No matter how much I bang my head against the wall, the wall remains as permanent as ever and I just have a miserable headache.
So, I pray that I can be rooted in a sense of purpose even when I can't see the results. My purpose is to live a life that shows Jesus to the people around me -- the TRUE Jesus who does not want their bribes, only their surrender. The TRUE Jesus who isn't drawn to anyone's position only to their pure hearts. The TRUE Jesus who loves each one so much that he won't leave them in their messiness. I must just love them, work with them, and not see anyone as a "project!"
Through the strength of Christ, I must see past each offensive behavior and listen past the arrogant words -- and seek to love each needy, lost, searching core. So many examples of "perseverance" in scripture don't show someone sweating it out or grunting -- just remaining, just staying put.
Staying put.
That's my theme. Until such time as we are no longer to remain in this place. And with the occasional respite of a vacation :-) ... that's what I'm called to do ...
stay put.
the joy of sitting, steeping, sipping, and sharing
About Me
- Sharon
- Married to Mr. Wonderful for 30 years! Three great kids who are grown and sooooo far away -- daughter: Jeri and her husband, Boy, in Thailand; son: Brad and his wife, Karissa, and their baby daughter, Sage, in Australia; son: Joey, in Australia.
5 comments:
I send you tons and tons of encouragement and hope you feel the waves of it in the midst of your frustration.
I think you are doing the one thing that we have all been asked to do in every situation: you are being a great example. From what I hear you say, you must be different enough there for people to notice. I certainly noticed when you were here!
It's hard when you can't see immediate effects, but don't doubt that people do think about why you do the things you do in the way you do them. And even so, in days, weeks and years from now, someone will recall your example and it will impress them. Again, I will give the example of ... moi.
Finally, don't discount your very important mission as an enabler of a bigger plan, or a piece of the plan that is carried out ultimately by someone else. Who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?
OK, Susan. I'll take your encouraging words to heart! Thanks so much.
I have to recognize that God's view is so much broader and longer than my puny little lens -- a lens which has a distortion filter on it, too often!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm feelin' the waves! :-)
Sharon, I must concur with Susan about your abilities to stand out. I admire your stamina and perseverance. Just the fact that you can express how you feel so well must be helpful to you. Traveling in Africa as much as I do and loving the Africans as much as I do, I understand somewhat. I don’t ever live with the “ordinary” people as such, but I know how they live and I talk to everyone when visiting. However, I’m very much in pain right now about what is happening in Kenya. Should I bring my clients there in August? Part of me says no way, the other part says absolutely yes. The good, honest, hardworking people in Kenya need us to come now more than ever. I guess, I will wait and see a little longer. My Kenyan friends have gone from hopelessness to hope again with Kofi Annan’s arrival. But this is not Nigeria. But think about helping all those displaced women and children in Kenya find meaning again about God. I mean, how awful it must be to be there right now in the Western Rift Valley. Maybe, this puts your life in perspective right now. You will get through it.
I visited my mother in Stockholm last week for her 85th birthday. I thought of you and how much you like Sweden. Thanks for writing this blog. I appreciate reading and I’m sure it helps you too, to know that people care about you “back home”.
Kristina Trowbridge
Thank you so much, Kristina, for your perspective.
Yes, Kenya is one of the many countries on this continent that are facing volatile times. I was just speaking with a Nigerian last night whose wife is from Zimbabwe. That place is in total turmoil, too. And Jim was supposed to see clients in Chad but now, temporarily, Chad is considered unsafe.
Millions of precious lives are at stake and their suffering is neither brought on by anything they have done nor can it be solved by anything that they simply do.
It is so good to see that the worst might be over for Kenya and then, you're so right, the best thing for Kenya would be for the tourists to stream into the country in mass. But that can't happen immediately. Restoration is slow.
I asked my Nigerian friend last night "How should we pray for this region?" He said to pray that God will raise up MANY godly leaders, people of strong character with high values, who can together help these countries turn a corner. He reiterated that one good leader cannot accomplish anything because he either joins the corruption of those with whom he works or he gives up and leaves the continent.
Sharon,
I think I know some of what you are feeling and I know personally that it isn't all that easy. It has a way of eating at you bit by bit. When I was a student in communist Poland, we used to have "I hate Poland" weeks and it became a joke after awhile as all the Western students (there were not many of us)had the same feelings. We even had an entire week where you could not buy meat, not even in the high-end hotel restaurants.
All I can say is hang in there and find a happy place that you can take yourself mentally so that you can keep your sanity about you. Watch movies and read books when you can.
You have an amazing capacity for your faith and I know you use that every day. Stay safe and keep on blogging. We put up a bunch of new entries on our blog.
Cousin Johnny
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